tears and all

because i hear what i wanna hear.
because i see what i wanna see.
because i feel what i wanna feel.
because i live how i wanna live.

because when i encounter something that didn't match what i wanted it to be,
my brain will automatically erase it.
or edited it, so my heart didn't get too much damage from it.

tonight, i wish someone was looking for me.
wish someone thinking about me and asked them self where have i been.
and not only thinking, they also texted me and ask where were i.
say that they suddenly think about me, and missed me.

how can i feel important when i can't see them proving?
but then again, maybe someone did say they missed me,
but i ignored it because they're not the one i wanted.

silly  me.
yes i am silly, stop telling me what am i.
i know what i am.
it's just.. sad.

i feel lonely.
yeah.
i'm choking now.
tears and all.