Wednesday, September 26, 2012 !

Holy Shit, How Can I Do It!
You are going to need three things: a ping-pong ball, a radio with headphones and a red light.
Step 1: Turn the radio to a station with just white noise (static), and put on your headphones.
Step 2: Cut the ping-pong ball in half and tape each half over your eyes.
Step 3: Turn the red light so it's facing your eyes.
Step 4: Sit there for at least a half an hour.
Step 5: Follow Ben Franklin and your new friend, Harold the unicorn, into the gumdrop forest, and live happily ever after.

taken from


Paranoid Personality Disorder:Low
Schizoid Personality Disorder:Low
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:High
Borderline Personality Disorder:Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:Moderate
Dependent Personality Disorder:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Low

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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

masalah pertama

gatau apa memang saya ini sebenernya pemalu atau segitu gampangnya terintimidasi atau mungkin memang self-esteem saya serendah itu, tapi aku merasa kesulitan untuk menatap mata orang saat berbicara. kecuali kalau memang harus, atau kalau saya sedang berbohong, atau kalau saya sedang menggoda.

tapi bahkan saya ga bisa menatap lama2 mata saya sendiri saat bercermin. rasanya malu dan bodoh dan tertangkap basah.

setiap kali saya yakin bahwa saya memiliki rasa percaya diri rendah, saya selalu mendapati bahwa sebenernya rasa percaya diri saya tidak serendah itu. tapi disaat saya butuh untuk merasa percaya diri, saya langsung merasa tidak mampu.

Monday, September 24, 2012

i feel divine

home and comfort zone is whenever i put on my earphones and turn on my music playlist.

home and comfort zone is whenever i look at my surroundings and the people inside it and i smiled because i felt that's the time and place where i truly belong.

my home and my comfort zone will always change, but the feeling is always be the same comfortable and loving. when i see the people i care about is around me, within my reach and all laughing and smiling with sincerity, that's when i feel home.

my comfort zone is whenever i feel carefree, when i am able to do anything without worrying the consequences of hurting somebody. when i can do anything with no worries about the future i'm making.

i feel divine whenever i captured a moment, smiled silently saving all the details to my treasure chest that i fill only with memories that i knew will only happened once in my lifespan.

trust me,
it's paradise.

this is where the hungry come to feed.
for mine is a generation that circles the globe
in search of something we haven't tried before.
so, never refused an invitation.
never resist the unfamiliar.
never fail to be polite.
and, never outstay your welcome.

just keep your mind open,
and suck the experience.
and if it hurts,
you know what?
it's probably worth it.

you hope, and you dream.
but you never believe
that something is going to happen for you
not like it does in the movies.
and when it actually does,
you expect it to feel different.
more visirale,
more real.

i was waiting for it to hit me.

i still believe in paradise.
but now at least i know,
it's not some place you can look for.
'cause it's not where you go,
it's how you feel for a moment in your life.

and if you find that moment,
it lasts forever.

Orbital and Angelo Badalamenti 
(from the movie The Beach)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

wasted days


i know having friends are important and even if you have a lot of time and money but you have no one to shared it with, then you have nothing.

okay maybe it's not always like that. you can always have a quality time for yourself, go to the spa, get a warm massage, re-do your hairstyle and so-on.

but when you realized that what you need is a company from your close circle, but they're not available, i mean you of course have many friends, but when they're unreachable at the same time, then what? and you're not in the mood for that lonely quality time.. yeah, that's sucks.

wasting the time, even be too lazy to eat. just sit and smoke and cold water. makes you feel that you need more friends, you need to make more circles.

pheww.. i hope this kind of time won't come again.

this is one of my reason why i want to leave Jakarta, to resign from my job now. maybe move to Bandung again, because the distance isn't so far there and i have more options of circle to mingle. but in Bandung, i will spoiled my self again for sure.

so, what will i do now? still too early to go to bed, but i'm already tired from the day.