i d k

i'm still afraid to know the truth.
any truth.
the scariest thing for me is being confronted with the bitter truth.
i'm slowly turning off my curiosity.
because if i dig for the truth, i know there'll be something that's gonna hurt me.
and i've had enough pain without searching for it.

like, there's this guy that i like so much.
it never occur to me to search about him.
to read what he wrote, to see what he saw..
i just enjoyed his presence.
until that time. ...

now i really want to know about him,
but i'm still scared to dig about him.
it's been quiet a long time since i act like this.
even with my last ex, i didn't want to know about him this much.

i just didn't know what to do.
i feel like a boy who really like a girl but doesn't want to scare her away, you know?
i want to understand and know her better, but i'm afraid.
...
i don't know.