so

kalau sedang membaca soal planet dan tata surya, saya suka lupa bahwa sebenarnya kita itu juga sedang menjalankan kehidupan di sebuah planet. bulat, besar, melayang dan berputar, sendirian dihimpit dengan planet-planet kosong. bahwa posisi Bumi berada begitu pas sehingga memungkinkan kehidupan terjadi di sini. antara ingin percaya perhitungan Tuhan atau lebih mensyukuri kalau ini adalah sebuah kebetulan yang ekstrim. maksudnya, kalau saya tidak percaya Tuhan saya akan lebih ...apa ya... terpana? tapi terpana yang lebih menekan.. perasaan seperti nyaris ketabrak bis kalau saya maju satu senti lagi. kamu mengerti? kalau letak bumi lebih jauh atau lebih dekat sedikit dari matahari, aku yakin tidak akan begini perkembangannya. tapi kalau saya percaya semua adalah memang kehendak Tuhan, Bumi diletakkan sebagai planet ketiga, dan ada planet2 lain yg sama-sama berputar, hmm... rasanya ...yasudah. tinggal terima. tidak banyak bertanya. tidak terlalu bersyukur karena memang sudah begitu adanya. yah, itu sih saya ya..hahahahaha maklum soal agama saya masih dalam proses..

well, anywayyyyss... tidak akan bicara soal agama dan Tuhan dan keimanan di sini. jadi yah begitu saja. pikiran yang lewat di kepala saya.

ya. begitu. jadi suka lupa kalo kita masi sendirian.. hmm..

hear but listen

i just get really used to ignore when people talks.
when i'm not interested, then i'm not interested.
i hear you. i hear. i just hear you but i don't listen.
and i  don't listen for a long time.
and now, when i want to listen, i forget how.
i just don't know how to listen.
i just keep ignoring things.
i feel stupid.
i feel useless.
i want to learn new things.
but i can't listen.

i want to listen.
i don't wanna hear anymore, i want to listen.

boost

well, hello again world!

senyum memang memberi rasa senang dan bahagia secara instan dan memang bisa membantu menaikkan mood di pagi hari. tapi tetap saja, kalian sadar kan, butuh sedikit energi untuk mulai senyum.
nah, sedikit energi itu yang biasanya susah banget datengnya. kalo senyum sendiri trus apatis, nanti jadi merasa bodoh, trus mood nya malah turun bukannya naik.
tapi untungnya, entah kenapasudah 5 hari ke belakang ini selalu ada energi extra positif yang mendatangin saya setiap bangun tidur. dan itu bukan datang dari mana-mana. :)
mungkin datang dari siraman air di pagi hari ya.
bangun tidur, malas-malas bentar, maksa untuk bangun, berdiri, ambil anduk, jalan ke kamar mandi, berdiri di bawah shower trus nyalain air. kaget, dingin, seger.....trus jadi bahagia deh! hahahahaha...trus pikiran-pikiran positif terus bermunculan one after another. trus jadi sneyum aja terus sepagian sambil jalan ke kantor. semua hal kecil jadi penambah alasan untuk senyum..

hahaha, alhadulillah.

semoga abis ini ga ada negatif-negatif an lagi deh..

90 for me, 9 for you, 100 for us.

1. Tidy Hair.
2. Cute Dresses.
3. Firm Body.
4. Sexy Shoes.
5. Healthy Skin.
6. Nice Teeth.
7. Pretty Bags.
8. Cool Glasses.
9. Sweet Fragrance.
10. Positive Thinking.
11. Wonderful Mood.
12. Glowing Aura.
13. Practice Speech.
14. Light Make-Ups.
15. Know When To Stop. Never Be Too Much.
16. Be Cool, Effortless.
17. Gain Random Information.
18. Be Funny. Be Witty.
19. Don't Get Scared Easily.
20. Confront Your Fear.
21. Look People In The Eye. --but don't stare at them.
22. Smile. Smile. Smile.
23. Always Be Thankful With Everything You Have.
24. Do Not Hold Your Opinions.
25. Put On Something That You Love. --or at least what you really really like.
26. Respect Yourself. Be Proud Of What You Are.
27. Talk To Your Inner Self. And Do Everything It Told You. --no matter how small it is.
28. Do Not Deny Your Inner Self.
29. F O C U S.
30. Be With Someone Who Can Appreciates You. --the real you.
31. Surround Yourself With People You Like. With People Who Can Bring The Best Out Of You.
32. Do Not Over Analyze Things.
33. Do Not Worry Too Much.
34. Enjoy Your Time. Do Not Let Other People Change Things That You Enjoy Doing.
35. Commit With Yourself, Before You Want To Commit With Someone Else.
36. Commit And Do It With No Excuse To Delay.
37. EXERCISE.
38. Pick Your Food Healthily.
39. Do Not Regret! Learn And Live With It.
40. Accept Who You Are.
41. Receive And Accept Everything Life Has To Offer.
42. Give And Spread Your Happiness In Various Shapes.
43. Every Time You Woke Up Is A Bliss. You Are Blessed At The First Breath You Take.
44. Be Thankful
45. Dream High. Focused. Achieve.
46. Do Not Let LOVE Weakened You. Make It Your Strength Whatever The Results Are. --because you're still beautiful, single or taken.
47. Trust Yourself.
48. Be Aware Of Your Surroundings.
49. Do Not Trust People Easily.
50. Sharpened Your Feelings And Instincts.
51. Be Good. Do Good Stuff. At Least Once A Day.
52. Make At Least One Person Smiles Because Of You.
53. Deal With Secrets Someone Trusts You To Hold, SERIOUSLY. --i've learned my mistake. it was ugly.
54. Say Sorry If You Know You're Wrong. Say Sorry Even If You Don't Know.
55. Revenge Is Useless. Just Be Happy. Be Grateful.
56. Stop Expecting.
57. Do Not Think Too Much. Just Do.
58. Learn To Meditate.
59. Be The Best Of You, Simply For Your The Sake Of Your Happiness. Not For Somebody Else's.
60. Be Spontaneous.
61. Take The Risk!
62. If You Have To, Then You Will. Whenever, Wherever, Just Accept And Go!
63. Stop Judging!
64. Open Your Mind.
65. Comfort Is No. 1
66. Do Not Waste Your Life In Something You Hate Or Makes You Feel Miserable And Uncomfortable.
67. Stop Wishing You Were Somebody Else. Stop Insulting Yourself By Thinking Like That.
68. What You Want Is Important Too! Stop Sacrificing Your Own Feeling For Something That Not Worth It.
69. Keep Your Body Clean. --that includes your room and surroundings too.
70. Put On Things That Boost Your Mood And Confidence.
71. Stop Looking Down.
72. Sleep Happily.
73. You Are NEVER Be Alone. --there'll always be God or Devil. your choice.
74. Do Not Lower Your Standards. People Who Can't Catch Up  With You, Don't Deserve Your Greatness.
75. Be Classy, Kind And True.
76. Be The Original You.
77. Be Unexpected. Be Mysterious.
78. Say Hello! Do It Because You're nice. Not Because You Expect Reply.
79. NEVER Gets Too Close With Your Best Friend's Crush.
80. Mind Your Own Business. --except if you're asked to.
81. Drink Mineral Water More Often In The Morning.
82. Keep Contact With Your Families, Relatives, Old Friends And Foes.
83. LEARN OTHER LANGUAGE.
84. Pick Your Style. Get Your Mark.
85. Quit Smoking. Quit Drinking.
86. Keep Reading.
87. Don't Forget To Save A Little Money.
88. It's Okay To Treat Yourself Once A While.
89. Try Other Hobby.
90. Please, TRAVEL MORE AND SEE THE WORLD.
91.
92.
93.
94.
95.
96.
97.
98.
99.
100. You Will Because You Can Because You Have All The Ingredients To Be Perfect In Your Own Special Way.



...fill no. 91 - 99 with your own personal reminder.
well, no.1 - 90 is for me personally.
no. 100 is for all of us.
i love you and we love us and do not ever forget that :)

chattered

maybe because for me,
falling in love is about sacrificing.

your body, your mind, your time, your feelings.

but no.
i was wrong.
sacrifices makes us weak.

weak is bad.

weak.
is bad.

be strong, kay.
you've been in a worse situation before.
what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
always remember that.

this is just feeling.
feeling won't kill you.
feeling won't makes you stop breathing.
it may kill your soul, though.

but no. it won't happen because you are strong.
because you are stronger than this.
because I BELIEVE YOU.
because, me yourself, believe that this is nothing.
come on, just don't over think!

i believe in you.
you know i do.


UGH.
okay, now this is start to sounds gross.
stop pity yourself!
ewwh.
it's not that deep! helloo?!
you've been in a worse situation when you can't get over somebody for four years!
so, please. stop saying disgusting things, you makes me want to puke.

come on.
get up and run your life.
be the best of you, because you know you deserve the best of this world.

cursed

warning : bad english

i will bring the best of me for myself.
i will be good.
so very good.
i will get the best.
i deserve it.

i will achieve all my dreams and goals in life.
i will be very happy even with every obstacles world can offer.
because i know i can.
yes, darling. i am that great.

so i've cursed myself.
no more nice girl.
no more.
enough. i won't be nice anymore.

but.
i'm still kind.
i have this keyhole attached in my heart now.
where there's a keyhole, there'll be also a key.
'the key'.
so. i can be nice and be a good girl again.
but it won't be easy.

get the key, because i'm worthy.

cerita hari

aku menulis ini semalam.

" hari ini Kamis Oranye. Kamis Eksotis.

Besok adalah Jumat Silver.
hari lahirku, Si Anak Perak.
dengan hati silver,
mulia namu sederhana.
sensitif dan peka.
tidak sadar potensi dimiliki.
lembut, penuh mimpi.
berkilau tanpa bermaksud sombong.

lalu datang Sabtu Ungu.
ceria dan rendah hati.
kamu ingin bersenang-senang?
pastikan di Sabtu Ungu kau melangkah.
penuh debaran tak terduga.

halo Minggu Emas.
diagungkan dan dimanja.
berusaha untuk tidak sombong.
tetapi ia memang sangat menarik.
jangan lupa untuk menngingatkan,
bahwa kotor itu perlu.

Senin Kuning. Senin Bersemangat.
ayo kerja! ayo beraktifitas! ayo bergerak!
Senin yang ceplas ceplos.
Senin yang sangat Kuning!
sumringah dan positif.

Selasa Putih.
oh putih, putih, monoton.
keceriaan yang tersedot oleh Senin.
Selasa Putih. Selasa fokus.
Selasa yang bekerja dalam diam.
Selasa yang rendah hati dan penuh rahasia.

Lalu muncul si Rabu Biru.
Rabu biru atau Rabu pantai.
atau Rabu liburan.
Rabu yang penuh angin, menyejukkan dan
berenergi positif!
Rabu selalu bahagia dalam santai.

dan kembali ke Kamis Oranye.
Eksotis.
bibir memukau, mata yang dalam.
Kamis cantik.
Kamis damai berselimut matahari.
Kamis Oranye,
enak diajak curhat dan suka tertawa".

i am that awkward girl

warning : bad english

I am that awkward girl standing in the middle of the crowd.
That nobody even bother to glance over.
Asking myself do I really belong here?
Is there some place that I could really fit in.
Without even trying.
Am I wrong to feel this way?
I want to be needed.
I want it indeed.
To be needed. To be longed for.
Is it too much?
I know what's too much.
To be needed by you.
Specifically by you.
Yes you.

Here I'm still here.
Soaked with negativity. Sobered up from those vain positive thinking.
Staring at my clumsy legs.
Choosing desperately which path to take.
The right goes with brain and logics.
The left goes with heart and dreams.
Separating I am separated.

mode on

ingin menulis.
apa ya...

Gua sedang mengambil alih sekarang :)
aku sedang menenangkan diri di kamar terdalam dan saya menemaninya.

Gua muncul dan mengambil alih karena kami ingin mengaktifkan self-defense.
bukan ingin, tapi harus.
ya, seharusnya dari awal self-defense itu tidak boleh yang lemah.
sekarang, akan kami buat yang jauh lebih kuat, jauh lebih sulit untuk ditembus dan diturunkan.

harus.
ini penting.

jadi Gua mengambil alih.
Gua, the nasty me.

so please, bring it on!


------------------------------------------------

please, read this also http://fictionfrom93.blogspot.com/2010/11/day-six-aku-saya-dan-gue.html

high expectation gets you nowhere

**warning : bad english!!**

come on, don't tell me you've never heard those words before.
and you know that it is not one of those words that just suddenly appear among people.
there is a reason behind those words. and the reason is, of course, because they are true.
because it is really happen to every people that 'high expectation gets you no where'.
it gives nothing but disappointment.

the same goes with high hopes.
but, there's reason behind every hope.
there are reasons why you are hoping.
and there are more reasons when you set your hopes high.
you know you're not suddenly set your hope high without reasons.

but the question is.
are those reasons are real?

is it really happened?
are they the right reasons to get high?
what if they are just illusions you play in your brain?
affecting your heart and feelings.

hope gives you power. oh, yes they are.
a very powerful one.
but you do realize it too, that they're also have weaknesses, right?
a very painful one.

the more you set your hopes high, well, the more painful you gets when your hopes doesn't come true.

the same goes with high expectation.
but for me, failing to get my expectation is more painful.
expecting is different from hoping.
expecting doesn't need strong reason behind it. it just happened. you just expect it.
it's kinda automatic. it's just your logic settings in your head.
and when your defends weakened, you set your expectation so high.
and then it didn't happen.
you lost your thought up there.
you fall, and fall, and falling hard. yes, it is so hard. believe me.
you suffer much more pain than when your hopes don't come true.

expecting is a bad habit.
yes, it is a habit.
you may have some hopes. hopes is important.
but don't, ever, grow some expectations.
really, they give you nothing, but disappointment.