Monday, June 20, 2011


maybe because for me,
falling in love is about sacrificing.

your body, your mind, your time, your feelings.

but no.
i was wrong.
sacrifices makes us weak.

weak is bad.

is bad.

be strong, kay.
you've been in a worse situation before.
what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
always remember that.

this is just feeling.
feeling won't kill you.
feeling won't makes you stop breathing.
it may kill your soul, though.

but no. it won't happen because you are strong.
because you are stronger than this.
because I BELIEVE YOU.
because, me yourself, believe that this is nothing.
come on, just don't over think!

i believe in you.
you know i do.

okay, now this is start to sounds gross.
stop pity yourself!
it's not that deep! helloo?!
you've been in a worse situation when you can't get over somebody for four years!
so, please. stop saying disgusting things, you makes me want to puke.

come on.
get up and run your life.
be the best of you, because you know you deserve the best of this world.


Anonymous said...

jangan jatuh cinta klo gitu, soalnya sakit klo udah mendarat...mending bangun cinta aja sedikit demi sedikit sampai setinggi-tingginya

Anonymous said...

So u might be asking urself over and over again .. (don't worry , I often find myself struggling to stay passionate about what I do on a day-to-day basis, too)

Okay, odds are u ain't asking urself that but I’m going to answer it for u anyway XP

U seem overwhelmed and start to fear and doubt, dear .. Look like u're not sure which way is up ..?

We live in a stressful world. I understand , physical "labor" is tiring . But in my experience , what really weakens me (and u ,maybe) is the stress of everyday living. I can't tell u how often I feel like I have failed when something gets in the way of doing a work :'(

.. come home and ur energy is gone, have u ever felt that way ??

In the other story . For many people, the desire for a happy and peaceful life remains unfulfilled. Instead of happiness, many of us find ourselves frequently disturbed by anger, fear or sadness, or the feeling of being disconnected and separate from life.

A while ago , I stopped being tied down to whatever was in fashion or whatever the trend was , that I'm unchained - I freed myself from the restrictions, and wanted to be different . I ended up becoming an outsider .

Guess ...... yess, I seek love, but I cannot find love or cannot sustain the love I find <-- T___T

For those of us who R plagued by painful emotions and troubled relationships , it's probably hard to find healthy and mature caregivers in our past .

On me , It's b'cos I'm different . Like any other means of discrimination- cos' all discrimination is fear because there differences and yet it's taking over all the time , that I was sacrificed for a prejudged hate .

Can u feel it ? Like when u get accused of something and someone who knows 'u didn't do it' but they don't speak up cos' they prefer to go wif the crowd and support their wrong doing which makes them the worst of all b'cos the others didn't know but that one person did .

It's kind of like burning a witch at the skeak , where she's innocent and someone knows but she gets burned anyway T_______T

SEE ?? Those kinda financial-emotional-relational-and-physical-stress weakens the body, soul and spirit..

But u know Kelly , I've learnt not to let the obstacles in life stop me in despair ..

Let me tell u my secret to overcoming it, it's called 'The Magical Box of Craps' : (start it wif a meditation or yoga or that particular kind of things)

As u quiet ur heart , gather up the stress and pressures u have in ur life . Visualize urself putting it in a box .

All ur stress , all ur worries , all ur apprehension – leave it there . When u're empty- then fill urself up .. What u really want - what u're looking for is- the SEA .

U're the Fish !

Sea with its water as ur place to live to breath to move dynamically running and free - and u'll like a spring which has been compressed , u'll reach incomparably farther than u ever dreamed :)

I understand ,to the logical mind- that sounds like a poor and irresponsible creature, xixixi .. But to the passionate heart, to the hurting soul, to the lost and the broken…that sounds like- the only kind of lady worth following , am I right or right ? ^.*)

< m8a ... to be continued to 2nd comment >

Anonymous said...

I don't know about u , but when I heard poor-sweet-innocent thing , I thought of a small girl, ignorant and naive . She resembles my past - the person who was tied down - who I used to be . It's meant to bring me back to being like everyone else - to make me stop being special , to break me :l

( One of the most critical things we get from our childhoods is a sense of self-worth which is often called 'self-esteem' -red )

I would say to u , don't let ur life be barren . Be useful . Make urself felt . Shine forth with the torch of ur faith & ur love .

When it's me , I promised myself to do what my faith believes as the right things , and attempt it without being discouraged by any stumbling blocks in my path ! \m/

'ThePresentMe' is the end of 'ThePastMe'. 'ThePastMe' hates it, yet 'ThePresentMe' has already rid of the past. Basically, I'm free, and I don't care ~ HA !

Sounds like the concept of egocentrism, huh ? Well , it's not bout being selfish nor 'bigheaded .

Notes: In the original German, calls 'EGO' = 'the Ich' ( the German word for 'I'). So does in Latin , without an 'I'- u can't be anything in the real world we live in.

The 'Ego' is not bad; It's necessary as part of the personality which is experienced as being oneself - that which one recognizes as 'I', one's face to the world, at a particular point in time ..

Here , I wanna say , let those very obstacles give u strength, sweetheart :)

More, I agree with ur saying, "what don't kill you, makes you stronger" - which i take it as : "what u endure well or overcome will only make u stronger" ^^

Indeed .

When u trust in GOD, He'll renew ur strength. U know exactly that His grace won't fail u ;)

It's better to accept the moment that stalls the progress temporarily but, continue to remain faithful..

Remember this, Kelly :
"Inter medium montium pertransibunt aquae!
( means, u shall pass through the mountains! )

< m8a .... to be continued to the 3rd comment >

Anonymous said...

U tend to be too cut off from our feelings, in order to suppress painful ones - and seems like this becomes a habit . Hmm , but ...

I love ur last paragraph , what a great self-motivation :
"get up and run your life . be the best of you, and you know you'll deserve the best of this world"

It's absofuckinlutely true !! ^________________^)")
as Marilyn Monroe said , "We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle" . Yep, each of us is born a unique individual with a unique potential .

I don't talk about the way u need to be very much in touch with ur feelings . Just In Case U Need Reminding, U're Beautiful ^.^)") ~ ! !

Anyho, still to remain intelligent about it - to remain in control, not driven by ur emotions . U need a balance of 'rational & emotional' mind - 'logic & feelings' - 'intellect & intuition'

I'm proud of u that u're able to do the 'REALITY-CHECK' -on ur unstable moments ='D

Notice the multitude of stars in the sky,
The millions of grains of sand on the beach,
The hundreds of leaves on a tree, and ,
The thousands of drops of rain when it is falling.

Acknowledge and be grateful for what u have now dear . Give thanks for ur good health , ur family & besties , ur job , ur home, and the food u eat . Also, give thanks for ur ability to feel, taste, hear, see, smell, touch, and walk .

Yep, acceptance of reality is not necessarily approval of reality - It's simply not being blind to it, not resisting nor distorting it. Then we can see the truth.

Both, a defense and a normal developmental process (depending on the context - it may be rationalized consciously and be part of ur belief system) thru' the healthy & self-consciousness of 'EGO', practically , continue to control perception, attitudes, goals, and behavior ..

By strengthening ur "EGO" and determining a truth within that includes all , u're able to detach from the world of suffering, attachment and resistance ^o^)/"

Last but not least , u have to forget ur last "marathon" before u try another . Ur mind can't know what's coming ~ GOD promises that u'll be able to run and yet not get weary. U'll walk and not faint !

" The Way Out Is The Way Through "

- BiiiiiG hugs, m8a -

Mariska Sheila Kellani said...

a real help. love you m8a (^__________________________^)