my biggest fear is being forgotten.
yet, not so long ago, i have choose to forgetting someone. i don't know if it was a right thing to do or not. but i know i always hate what i become every time i feel close to him. i really missed him though, but i can't go near him.
second thing i fear most is not having a friend.
and that is what i feel right now. i don't know, maybe it's because i'm expecting an ideal kind of friendship. i want, or i need somebody who relies on me so i can rely on them too. but right now, i can't rely on anybody because there's nobody relying on me.
to whom should i seek a soothing voice? to tell me there's nothing to be worried?
so this is why i really need someone to need me.
because i will need them too. because i will know where to run when i need someone to sooth me. because i will always be there too if that someone needs me.
but if nobody runs to me, then to whom should i run to?
and don't tell me about god and prayer, please.
just..not that.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
W I S H E S
If, by any chance, i walked in a random forest, in one of any exotic land in random country. I took a glimpse of a strange looking bottle, or glass vase, and then i reach for it and examine it. I rubbed it with my sleeves, clean it from dirts and earths, make it shines.
And then suddenly the bottle shakes, and shaking hard it was it slips from my hand. A big clump of smoke pouring out from it, dark purple mixing with dark blue smokes, so big I forgot to recognize what kind of smell it brings. I was very surprised and a bit frightened with the sudden smoke and while my eyes are stil following the flowing smoke through the canopy of trees, a figure formed in front of me. When the smokes are all fading to the sky, I return my gaze to the strange bottle laying in ground. But, before my eyes got to the bottle, a deep gleaming gold-purple pair of iris fixed it stare at me. I froze.
The figure feels that I was intimidated. And I just realize I was staring at him, not that I wanted to. Now I knew what everybody has been saying when they saw a ghost it'll be very hard to cut the eye contact. I just stare, and I can feel it knows that I was intimidated. The odor of fear was oozing slowly from my body, and the figure can smell it.
"HHHHHHHHHHAH! HHHAH! HHHAH! HHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
He laughed. A real out loud. Top of his lung. In front of me. I can smell a rotting dampness coming out from his mouth. I saw a line of large yellowish teeth, and i noticed both of his canine tooth are broken. And then I can feel my knees are shaking fast and i slumped down to the ground. My eyes're still fixed to those gleaming gold-purple irises.
"HUMAN. YOU RELEASES ME. ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE AND WHAT CONSEQUENCES YOU'VE BRING TO YOUR FATE?"
He talks with strange accent, sounds a bit like singing. His voice are deep and low, and kind of whispering but still loud to hear.
I already overcome my fear, but my knees were still a bit shaky.
"..N..no. Y..yes. Erm.."
I stand up and look him in the eye once again, gathering my words then answer,"yes, Sir, I just realized that i have released something from that bottle, it was you in it. And no, I don't know what consequences I have bring to my fate. Now may I know what you are? And maybe your name too, thank you."
"I AM DJINN. DJINN IS NOT MY NAME, IT IS WHAT I AM. MY NAME IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE NOW, THE ONLY THING I HAVE FOR MY OWN, I WILL NOT GIVE MY NAME TO YOU. BUT I CAN GIVE YOU WHAT HUMANS LIKE YOU USED TO CALL ME WITH.. YOU CAN CALL ME RAMMON. NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER QUESTION BEFORE I TELL YOU THE CONSEQUENCES YOU HAVE BRING TO YOUR FATE?"
I know I should feel terrified, scared to death, or just go fainting. But actually, I feel kinda excited. This is the adventure where I finally become the main character. The one I've been waiting all of my 25 years life. And no, I don't feel scared, I don't feel terrified, I didn't even feel dizzy. I just a bit shocked, but a good kind of shock.
"Hmm, maybe one question. Who sealed you inside that glass-bottle-vase? How many years ago? Is that some kind of punishment ?"
"THAT IS NOT ONE QUESTION, THAT IS THREE. BUT I WILL ANSWER YOU ANYWAY. YES, IT WAS A PUNISHMENT. 2.393 YEARS AGO. THE HUMAN WHO HAS HAD SEALED ME WAS NOT AN ORDINARY HUMAN. THE MOSLEMS CALL HIM PROPHET ISA. THE REST OF YOU KNOWN HIM AS JESUS." "WHAT NAME DO YOU CALL YOURSELF, HUMAN?"
"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I asked you your name but I haven't give you mine. You can call me Liam. Interesting, your story..." before I finished, he cuts my sentence while stepping closer to me, "IT WAS NOT A STORY. IT IS A FACT. WHAT I SAY IS ALL TRUE. I DO NOT LIE. I DO NOT TELL STORY," his eyes glaring with shock and a bit of anger.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry. It wasn't a story. All you say is facts. Okay. Okay, so, what do you do now? What consequences you were talking about earlier? What business about my fate?"
"YOU ARE THE ONE WHO RELEASES ME, LIAM THE HUMAN GIRL. YOU HAVE ASKED ME EARLIER, THREE QUESTIONS, SO NOW I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES. WISH WISELY, FOR YOUR WISHES WILL TAKE YOU TO ANOTHER PLACE AND A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FATE."
I maybe not a curious person, but actually I have imagine this very thing quite often before. What will I wish if a wild Djinn appear in front of me. And yes, I have settled the three wishes.
"Okay, Rammon the Djinn, now I will tell you my first wish."
"SO FAST. REMEMBER, DECIDE WISELY."
"Yes, I know. I already thought about this. My first wish is, I wish I have immunity for all diseases. Can you grant my wish, Rammon?"
"SURPRISING CHOICE. A LITTLE BIT TRICKY, BUT YOUR FIRST WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR SECOND WISH, LIAM THE HUMAN GIRL?"
"Do I have to say them all today? At this very time? And please, just call me Liam, no need for the human girl gibberish."
"YES, LIAM. THREE WISHES IN ONE DAY. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR SECOND WISH?"
"Okay then. My second wish is, I wish I am a genius in writing stories and literature. Can you grant my second wish, Rammon? Or is it too difficult for you?"
"DON'T BE TOO SMUG, LIAM. YOUR SECOND WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED. NOW YOU ARE A GENIUS IN WRITING STORIES AND LITERATURE. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR ME. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR THIRD AND FINAL WISH, LIAM?"
"My third wish is..."
"OH YOU'VE BEEN PREPARING YOUR WISHES, HAVEN'T YOU, LIAM? DO YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS DAY WILL COME TO YOU? YOU'VE BEEN CHOOSING A STRANGE WISHES, NOT LIKE ORDINARY HUMAN WHO WILL DIRECTLY ASKING FOR WEALTH AND FEEDING THEIR LUST FOR POWER AND SHALLOWNESS. WHO YOU REALLY ARE, HUMAN GIRL?"
"Yes, actually yes, I am already know what will I wish for if I accidentally release a wild Djinn. There are stories about Djinn who grant wishes, and they usually asking for dumb things. Things that will disappear quickly because of their shallowness. And I already decided what will I ask if I have the opportunity. I'm just an ordinary 25 years old human, I just become extra-ordinary today because I found your bottle earlier." "What will happen to you after I asked my third wish, Rammon? Will you just disappear, or you'll stay with me?"
"I SEE. SO YOU HAVE REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE THESE WISHES. GOOD, THEN. VERY GOOD. AFTER I GRANT YOUR THIRD WISH, I MAY GO, BUT I MAY STAY IF YOU ASK ME TO." "NOW, LIAM, WHAT IS YOUR THIRD AND FINAL WISH? CHOOSE WISELY"
"My third and final wish is, I wish I never ran out of luck. Can you grant my final wish, Rammon?"
And then suddenly the bottle shakes, and shaking hard it was it slips from my hand. A big clump of smoke pouring out from it, dark purple mixing with dark blue smokes, so big I forgot to recognize what kind of smell it brings. I was very surprised and a bit frightened with the sudden smoke and while my eyes are stil following the flowing smoke through the canopy of trees, a figure formed in front of me. When the smokes are all fading to the sky, I return my gaze to the strange bottle laying in ground. But, before my eyes got to the bottle, a deep gleaming gold-purple pair of iris fixed it stare at me. I froze.
The figure feels that I was intimidated. And I just realize I was staring at him, not that I wanted to. Now I knew what everybody has been saying when they saw a ghost it'll be very hard to cut the eye contact. I just stare, and I can feel it knows that I was intimidated. The odor of fear was oozing slowly from my body, and the figure can smell it.
"HHHHHHHHHHAH! HHHAH! HHHAH! HHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
He laughed. A real out loud. Top of his lung. In front of me. I can smell a rotting dampness coming out from his mouth. I saw a line of large yellowish teeth, and i noticed both of his canine tooth are broken. And then I can feel my knees are shaking fast and i slumped down to the ground. My eyes're still fixed to those gleaming gold-purple irises.
"HUMAN. YOU RELEASES ME. ARE YOU AWARE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE AND WHAT CONSEQUENCES YOU'VE BRING TO YOUR FATE?"
He talks with strange accent, sounds a bit like singing. His voice are deep and low, and kind of whispering but still loud to hear.
I already overcome my fear, but my knees were still a bit shaky.
"..N..no. Y..yes. Erm.."
I stand up and look him in the eye once again, gathering my words then answer,"yes, Sir, I just realized that i have released something from that bottle, it was you in it. And no, I don't know what consequences I have bring to my fate. Now may I know what you are? And maybe your name too, thank you."
"I AM DJINN. DJINN IS NOT MY NAME, IT IS WHAT I AM. MY NAME IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE NOW, THE ONLY THING I HAVE FOR MY OWN, I WILL NOT GIVE MY NAME TO YOU. BUT I CAN GIVE YOU WHAT HUMANS LIKE YOU USED TO CALL ME WITH.. YOU CAN CALL ME RAMMON. NOW, DO YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER QUESTION BEFORE I TELL YOU THE CONSEQUENCES YOU HAVE BRING TO YOUR FATE?"
I know I should feel terrified, scared to death, or just go fainting. But actually, I feel kinda excited. This is the adventure where I finally become the main character. The one I've been waiting all of my 25 years life. And no, I don't feel scared, I don't feel terrified, I didn't even feel dizzy. I just a bit shocked, but a good kind of shock.
"Hmm, maybe one question. Who sealed you inside that glass-bottle-vase? How many years ago? Is that some kind of punishment ?"
"THAT IS NOT ONE QUESTION, THAT IS THREE. BUT I WILL ANSWER YOU ANYWAY. YES, IT WAS A PUNISHMENT. 2.393 YEARS AGO. THE HUMAN WHO HAS HAD SEALED ME WAS NOT AN ORDINARY HUMAN. THE MOSLEMS CALL HIM PROPHET ISA. THE REST OF YOU KNOWN HIM AS JESUS." "WHAT NAME DO YOU CALL YOURSELF, HUMAN?"
"Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I asked you your name but I haven't give you mine. You can call me Liam. Interesting, your story..." before I finished, he cuts my sentence while stepping closer to me, "IT WAS NOT A STORY. IT IS A FACT. WHAT I SAY IS ALL TRUE. I DO NOT LIE. I DO NOT TELL STORY," his eyes glaring with shock and a bit of anger.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry. It wasn't a story. All you say is facts. Okay. Okay, so, what do you do now? What consequences you were talking about earlier? What business about my fate?"
"YOU ARE THE ONE WHO RELEASES ME, LIAM THE HUMAN GIRL. YOU HAVE ASKED ME EARLIER, THREE QUESTIONS, SO NOW I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES. WISH WISELY, FOR YOUR WISHES WILL TAKE YOU TO ANOTHER PLACE AND A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FATE."
I maybe not a curious person, but actually I have imagine this very thing quite often before. What will I wish if a wild Djinn appear in front of me. And yes, I have settled the three wishes.
"Okay, Rammon the Djinn, now I will tell you my first wish."
"SO FAST. REMEMBER, DECIDE WISELY."
"Yes, I know. I already thought about this. My first wish is, I wish I have immunity for all diseases. Can you grant my wish, Rammon?"
"SURPRISING CHOICE. A LITTLE BIT TRICKY, BUT YOUR FIRST WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR SECOND WISH, LIAM THE HUMAN GIRL?"
"Do I have to say them all today? At this very time? And please, just call me Liam, no need for the human girl gibberish."
"YES, LIAM. THREE WISHES IN ONE DAY. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR SECOND WISH?"
"Okay then. My second wish is, I wish I am a genius in writing stories and literature. Can you grant my second wish, Rammon? Or is it too difficult for you?"
"DON'T BE TOO SMUG, LIAM. YOUR SECOND WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED. NOW YOU ARE A GENIUS IN WRITING STORIES AND LITERATURE. NOTHING IS TOO DIFFICULT FOR ME. NOW, WHAT IS YOUR THIRD AND FINAL WISH, LIAM?"
"My third wish is..."
"OH YOU'VE BEEN PREPARING YOUR WISHES, HAVEN'T YOU, LIAM? DO YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS DAY WILL COME TO YOU? YOU'VE BEEN CHOOSING A STRANGE WISHES, NOT LIKE ORDINARY HUMAN WHO WILL DIRECTLY ASKING FOR WEALTH AND FEEDING THEIR LUST FOR POWER AND SHALLOWNESS. WHO YOU REALLY ARE, HUMAN GIRL?"
"Yes, actually yes, I am already know what will I wish for if I accidentally release a wild Djinn. There are stories about Djinn who grant wishes, and they usually asking for dumb things. Things that will disappear quickly because of their shallowness. And I already decided what will I ask if I have the opportunity. I'm just an ordinary 25 years old human, I just become extra-ordinary today because I found your bottle earlier." "What will happen to you after I asked my third wish, Rammon? Will you just disappear, or you'll stay with me?"
"I SEE. SO YOU HAVE REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THE THESE WISHES. GOOD, THEN. VERY GOOD. AFTER I GRANT YOUR THIRD WISH, I MAY GO, BUT I MAY STAY IF YOU ASK ME TO." "NOW, LIAM, WHAT IS YOUR THIRD AND FINAL WISH? CHOOSE WISELY"
"My third and final wish is, I wish I never ran out of luck. Can you grant my final wish, Rammon?"
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
come softly to me
when i was 4 years old my dad brings us to the States for a year. we live in dallas, texas. the year was 1991. my younger years filled with old music, music my dad's love and he play them everyday. so automatically i love 'em too. i still listen to 'em until now. simon & garfunkle, queen, elvis presley, the beatles, the everly brothers, ..and so on.
there is this one song that i remembered, and i liked it so much but nobody knows what the title was. nobody even recognize the song when i sang it. i don't remember the whole lyrics, i just remember the opening of the song was like ..'ndoo bee doo dum dum, dum ndoo dum, ndoo bee doo..'
nobody knows, even when i asked my ex, who claims he knows most of the old tunes.
i always thought the singer was the everly brothers, but i was wrong.
for years the song keeps haunting me.
until one day --i forgot what day exactly-- and i don't know why i haven't write about it immediately after i finally knows who sings it and what the title is.
what i know is, ever since i finally knows the title, the singers and the lyrics, that song keeps popping as movie's soundtrack. so far, i've heard it in 3 movies. how annoying!
why do i heard it AFTER i found it. why am i not seeing those movies a bit earlier?!
LOL..
anyways, here.. i'll put the lyrics here..
enjoy!
there is this one song that i remembered, and i liked it so much but nobody knows what the title was. nobody even recognize the song when i sang it. i don't remember the whole lyrics, i just remember the opening of the song was like ..'ndoo bee doo dum dum, dum ndoo dum, ndoo bee doo..'
nobody knows, even when i asked my ex, who claims he knows most of the old tunes.
i always thought the singer was the everly brothers, but i was wrong.
for years the song keeps haunting me.
until one day --i forgot what day exactly-- and i don't know why i haven't write about it immediately after i finally knows who sings it and what the title is.
what i know is, ever since i finally knows the title, the singers and the lyrics, that song keeps popping as movie's soundtrack. so far, i've heard it in 3 movies. how annoying!
why do i heard it AFTER i found it. why am i not seeing those movies a bit earlier?!
LOL..
anyways, here.. i'll put the lyrics here..
enjoy!
Mm dooby do, dahm dahm
Dahm do dahm ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm ooh dahm
Mm dooby do
Dahm do dahm ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm ooh dahm
Mm dooby do
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
(Come to me, sta-ay)
(You're my ob-session)
(For ever and a da-ay)
(Come to me, sta-ay)
(You're my ob-session)
(For ever and a da-ay)
I want, want you to kno-o-ow
I love, I love you so
Please hold, hold me so tight
All through, all through the night..
I love, I love you so
Please hold, hold me so tight
All through, all through the night..
(Speak softly, darling)
(Hear what I sa-ay)
(I love you always)
(Always, always)
(Hear what I sa-ay)
(I love you always)
(Always, always)
I've waited, waited so long
For your kisses and your love
Please come, come to me
From up, from up above
For your kisses and your love
Please come, come to me
From up, from up above
(Come softly, darling)
(Come softly, darling)
I need, need you so much
Wanna feel your wa-arm touch
(Come softly, darling)
I need, need you so much
Wanna feel your wa-arm touch
Mm dooby do, dahm dahm
Dahm do dahm ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm ooh dahm
Dahm do dahm ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm do dahm, ooby do
Dahm dahm, dahm ooh dahm
what?
you still wanna know who's song that is?
Monday, July 16, 2012
selamat!
dulu saya punya teman. teman dekat. kadang suka saya anggap sahabat yang tidak harus berada di satu lingkungan pertemanan tiap saat, tapi kalau kita ketemu semua akan diceritakan blak-blakan. walaupun ga ketemu, kadang masih suka nyapa di ym.
lupa sih kapan mulai menjauhnya, tapi sebelumnya sih udah biasa kalo ngilang 3-6 bulan. trus tar tiba-tiba ketemu di kampus, ato ngobrol di ym dan semua waktu 3-6 bulan itu bisa diceritakan semua segala detail catch-up nya.
tapi iya deng, dia selalu menjauh saat punya pacar.
saya ga masalah sih. ya iyalah, apa yang mau dimasalahin? hahahaha.
yasudah. saya selamatin deh. hehe. turut bahagia kok :D
lupa sih kapan mulai menjauhnya, tapi sebelumnya sih udah biasa kalo ngilang 3-6 bulan. trus tar tiba-tiba ketemu di kampus, ato ngobrol di ym dan semua waktu 3-6 bulan itu bisa diceritakan semua segala detail catch-up nya.
tapi iya deng, dia selalu menjauh saat punya pacar.
saya ga masalah sih. ya iyalah, apa yang mau dimasalahin? hahahaha.
yasudah. saya selamatin deh. hehe. turut bahagia kok :D
Sunday, July 15, 2012
blank
have you ever wanted to write something original and smart without a meaningful effort?
you thought about something that you've done. browsing your memories trying to find something that you've never seen before..but you've found nothing.
you thought about something that you've done. browsing your memories trying to find something that you've never seen before..but you've found nothing.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
subconscious
"subconscious; that infuriating part of a person's brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing."
- Dirk Gently
The Long Dark Tea-Time Of The Soul, authored by Sir Douglas Adams
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